Matrimony under senseless DV act: Husband & Wife

A good stuff on DV Act 2005.


W: How is the food today?
H: Good. Thanks.
W: (after tasting the food) but there is no salt! Perhaps I forgot. Why didn’t you point it out?
H: If I point out such things it may be considered as “humiliation” under DV act Section 5 (Chapter 5) - 3(a).
W: Why are you talking like that! I’m your wife! Don’t you love me? And stop telling me about your funny sections and numbers... I don’t know nothing about it.
H: Yes, I do love you.
W: I love you too. Now tell me how much do you love me?
H: Well, I wish I had an answer but I could not find the quality & quantity of love in DV Act that is required to be given by husband to his wife.
W: I don’t know what are you talking about!! Anyway, look outside, it’s raining... let’s get romantic and make love!
H: I would love to make love but nothing in DV Act defines the strategies, do’s & don’ts of making love, including the ones required to be complied with pre, during and post lovemaking. If I attempt to even show my affection towards you it might be misconstrued as “sexual” and “physical abuse”.
W: Darling !!! Don’t be such a bore... and I haven’t heard you calling me “honey” from long !?
H: I’m not a bore and you know that. However, being a true Indian it’s my duty to abide by the laws meant to protect women. I cannot call you “honey” coz it might come under “name calling” of DV Act. You might accuse me claiming that by calling “honey” I meant that you were the home of poisonous “honey” bees!
W: Was it a joke?
H: No no, it was not a joke. DV Act doesn’t allow me to joke with you as joking might be taken as “ridicule”.
W: I think you have gone mad !! Anyway, I know how to get you back on track. You know I got a call from my ex boy friend today when you were in office !!
H: Ok.
W: Ok? What ok? You used to feel jealous to know about any male calling me! I love your possessiveness towards me!
H: I’m afraid but the DV Act doesn’t allow me to stop you from talking to and/or meeting anybody you want to at any time... be it your ex boy friend or your new lover, be it at our home or outside. If I try to stop you it might be taken as “prohibition or restriction to continued access to resources or facilities which you are entitled to use or enjoy by virtue of domestic relationship”. I don’t even have any rights to stop you from spending days & weeks with him, even if you plan that trip by selling all the items from our house and taking away my whole month’s salary!
W: This is going nowhere! I think you don’t love me anymore !! I don’t know what to do !! It’s better if we don’t talk at all for few days.
H: I do love you but the law has not provided me with relevant guidelines and suitable acts on the quality & quantity of love I am legally bound to give you. I don’t mind keeping quiet as per your instructions but one of the judgements by Supreme Court says that “spouse’s silence may amount to cruelty”. I am helpless in the hands of law.
W: To hell with your law !! For God’s sake... can’t you be your normal self with me !??
H: I am normal, but if I do not suppress my normalcy under the requirements of DV Act you might send me to jail !! I’m just trying to be a good citizen of India and serve you & the womankind. You can have me either as your normal husband or as a dog controlled by women biased laws. Tell me which one do you want?
W: I want my original and normal husband.
H: Then wait till at least the DV Act and 498A are scrapped. Until then every happily married husband will abide by the requirements of DV Act to ensure they do not bypass the law; and every victimised husband will continue fighting against such gender biased, senseless and family-breaking laws.

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